


What You Want

by Unfeathered



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Ending Fix, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24508108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unfeathered/pseuds/Unfeathered
Summary: Sometimes you get what you want even when you think you haven't
Relationships: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Kudos: 9





	What You Want

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/unfeatheredfics/6407.html) on 17 January 2009. Beta'd by [mad_jaks](https://mad_jaks.livejournal.com/).
> 
> Written for the [I Saw Three Ships](http://community.livejournal.com/3_ships/) fic exchange, for [curia_regis](https://curia_regis.livejournal.com/).

This isn't what I wanted. I wanted the Doctor. I wanted _my_ Doctor. The one I moved heaven and earth to be with. Well, not literally – it took a Dalek empire to do that – but I spent years working on the ability to jump across dimensions. That's not that far from moving heaven and earth, when you think about it.

And I found him and we were a team again and then he sent me back home. _Tricked_ me. Scurried off like a scared teenager while I was busy kissing… someone who wasn't quite him.

I wasn't that miffed in the beginning. Not really. All right, I hadn't got _my_ Doctor, but I had _a_ Doctor and that was a whole lot more than I'd had before. I was giddy at first. _He_ was giddy. There we were, both of us, with a chance at something we'd thought we'd never get a chance at: the rest of our lives, together. We could be young and free and in love. It was fantastic. I told Mum I was fine and sent her home to Dad, and the Doctor and I went travelling. Honeymooning, sort of. He couldn't take me travelling in time any more, or out amongst the stars, but he showed me my own world in my own time, which was more than the real Doctor had ever done. It was nice. More than nice – it was amazing. We didn't go home for ages.

Except. Well. He _wasn't_ the Doctor. He wouldn't let me call him 'Doctor' either. I tried to, at first, but standing there on that beach, hands in his trouser pockets and squinting up at the sky, he shook his head and said, "I'm not him, Rose. I'm not a Time Lord. I'm human. One heart. One very human heart." Then he turned to grin at me – that cheeky grin of his no-one could resist. I can't, anyway. "Call me John. John Smith. That's who I am now. For real, this time."

So I let go of a little bit of my dream and I called him John and we went travelling. And it was fun. It was really, really great fun. It was like the Doctor'd said, though: John needed healing. He was raw and brittle, all rough edges, still half-looking for something to fight. And he looked to me to get him through it. Clung to me, really. And I couldn't refuse him. Couldn't the first time and couldn't this time. I held him and I comforted him, and I showed him the beauty of the world as we explored it together, and eventually he gentled and calmed and – well – in some ways, he became better than the real Doctor. More comfortable with himself, less jumpy. Easier to be with.

What was weird was that it was John who was ready to settle down first, not me. Well, not that weird, I suppose, considering I'd wanted to spend the rest of my life travelling with the Doctor. But weird because John was created from the Doctor, from his memories and personality, and if there was one thing the Doctor was bad at it was staying still.

John was pretty bad at it too, but a part of him seemed to want it just the same. Perhaps it was simply that he was human while the Doctor wasn't; that if he wanted a home and a family he had to have it _now_ , not in a few hundred years, because he wouldn't live that long. And he did want a home and a family. He wanted what the Doctor had lost when Gallifrey burned.

I don't know how, but one day, I just knew he'd had enough travelling. And so we went home. Back to Mum and Dad. We didn't stay with them (because John refused to live with my mother, even in a mansion, and I couldn't really blame him), but we got a nice suite in a hotel right nearby so we could see Mum and Dad and baby Tony every day.

I went back to work at Torchwood because, even though I wasn't working on getting back to the Doctor any more, Torchwood was still about the nearest thing there was on this Earth to seeing the stars with him. Bits and pieces of other worlds, their technology and lifeforms and junk.

And John.

Where else was he going to work, after all? Well, UNIT, I suppose – he told me stories about when the Doctor had been stuck back on my Earth and had to work with them before. But he wasn't about to do that while I was still at Torchwood. So he just came to work with me one day and then sort of… stuck around. No-one there knew who he was. He was just 'Rose's boyfriend'. And with his wealth of knowledge, he was incredibly useful and he soon found a niche as a sort of advisor. And every now and again he'd go off to locate new things that'd fallen through from other worlds or times or dimensions, which solved the problem of his occasional bouts of wanderlust nicely.

The first few times, I couldn't help wondering if he'd come home. But he always did. And then one day when he came home, it was with loads of estate agents' details of flats – hundreds of them – and we embarked on a spree of flat viewings till we found the perfect one, small but with a gorgeous view over London, and still nice and near Mum. Very important, being near Mum, especially with her second little one on the way. Another boy, that one turned out to be, and they called him Mickey.

John was great with the kids. He visited them just as much as I did and he'd play with them while Mum and I caught up, and didn't mind if we went on nattering for hours. All part of the healing, perhaps. The Doctor had lost his own family, so completely. But John had a new one here. Mine.

Ours.

* * *

This isn't what I wanted, but it's what I got.

* * *

He came back yesterday, the Doctor. The real Doctor. I don't know how he got here, or how long it's been for him, or anything, because you know him, he doesn't actually _tell_ you stuff, does he? He's obviously worked out the travelling between universes better than before, though, because there was no dream telling me to trek all the way to Norway this time. He just knocked on the door of Dad's house, cool as anything, and greeted Mum with a cheery, "Hello, Jackie! How are you?" just as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't ever said we'd never see him again. Mum was completely confused, of course, because she thought he was John, but I could tell the difference from upstairs – don't ask me how, but I could – and I was down there in time to rescue him from her and convince her to go back to playing with the kids.

" _Kids?_ " the Doctor echoed, eyebrows high, because of _course_ that's the first thing you talk about when you haven't seen someone for three flipping years – her siblings. "As in plural? More than one?"

"Yeah." I brushed my hair back over my shoulder as I led him through to the lounge, trying to look cool, not flustered as hell because I wasn't expecting this - _him_ \- and it was weird seeing him again after having got used to John. "Yeah, there's three of us young Tylers now. And another one on the way."

His eyes went comically wide. "Another one? Hasn't she had enough now?"

I bit my lip, and sat down on a chair. Didn't feel right sitting on the sofa, as if asking him to decide whether to sit beside me or not. Better not to give him the choice. "No, it's not… It's not her, Doctor. It's me."

He stopped, still in the doorway, holding onto the frame. His knuckles looked white. Come to that, so did his face. He stared at me for a minute, mouth open, then shut it, swallowed hard and said lightly, "Well, congratulations, Rose. That's wonderful!"

I raised my eyebrows.

"It is!" he insisted. "It's fantastic. I'm really… pleased for you." He let go of the door jamb and wandered towards the fireplace, rubbing the back of his neck. "Is it… is it…?"

"Is it his?" I said softly, finishing the question for him because he obviously wasn't going to get there himself. I stood and went to him, and put my hands on his shoulders to try and make him look at me. "Yes, it is. We're together, Doctor, just like you wanted."

He looked down at me at last, eyes huge, and I took his hand and moved it down to my belly. "Only two months, yet, nothing to show, but it's there, Doctor. Inside me, his child and mine. Not a Time Lord, not biologically, but it's _his_."

I raised my head and realised he'd closed his eyes. "I can feel it," he said hoarsely. "I can _hear_ it."

That was… wow. I hadn't been expecting that. "You can?" I said, feeling my eyes widen in wonder. "Is it all right? Is it healthy? Is it okay?"

His eyes opened and he gave me a blinding grin. "It's fine, Rose. It's going to be a wonderful, gorgeous, healthy baby, and it's going to be yours and his, and – " He broke off and just wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight, almost tight enough to be uncomfortable.

It felt weird, after all this time with John. The Doctor felt colder, thinner, more fragile, somehow. And unsure of himself. He let me go pretty quickly.

Well. It _was_ a little awkward, with everything that had happened.

"How are you, Doctor?" I asked, smiling at him over my shoulder as I headed back to my seat. I had to try asking, even if I didn't expect an honest answer.

Rather than sitting, the Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned a shoulder against the mantelpiece. "Me? Oh, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine!" He flashed me another bright smile, and glanced about him. "So, is he here? The other me? The other 'Doctor'?"

"Nah, not right now. Spends a lot of time here, though. Just not right now. He's at work. At Torchwood."

The Doctor's face was a picture. Little bits of expressions sort of appearing and then vanishing again a moment later, till he just looked gobsmacked. "At… Torchwood?"

I grinned. "No Doctor here, remember? He's not an enemy of the state. And he and I never annoyed the Queen Victoria of this dimension. They _like_ him at Torchwood."

" _Well,_ I think they like me quite well at Torchwood back home, _now_!" he said, mock-offended.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, half of them used to travel with you! How's Mickey?" I asked quietly, because I'd been missing Mickey more than I'd expected.

"Oh, you know Mickey, he's fine!" the Doctor said cheerfully.

I squinted at him. "You don't actually know, do you?"

He squirmed slightly. " _Well,_ not as such, no, I haven't been back to Earth for a bit, but last I heard he was safe at Torchwood with Jack and Martha so I'm sure he's fine. Unless, well, you know, it is _Torchwood_ … But I'm sure he's having a great time."

I bit my lip at the thought of Mickey and Martha and Jack all together, all still in the thick of things and with a Doctor to call on if they needed him – or to help if he needed them. And then I jumped at the sound of a key in the front door and the sound of feet in the foyer.

The Doctor looked round, one eyebrow high. He knew who it was, as well as I did. I watched, my heart in my mouth, as John ambled in, that cheeky grin on his face and his arms held out for me. "How's my girl?" he said warmly, and then stopped, halfway across the room, and looked round at the Doctor. His smile faded and his arms dropped.

"Doctor."

"Doctor."

"Oh, no, not Doctor. Not any more. It's John Smith. For real, now."

He wasn't moving. Neither of them were moving. Just standing there with their hands in their pockets, sizing each other up. Wary. I hardly dared breathe.

Then the Doctor relaxed, and smiled. "Of course it is. Good for you, John. I'm glad it's all working out so well for you – for both of you. And I hear congratulations are in order!"

"Thanks." John relaxed too, but not all the way. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, just taking advantage of a little weak spot between dimensions to come and see old friends. Make sure you're all okay, you know." The Doctor paused, and came away from the mantelpiece rather abruptly. "Well! Since you _are_ all okay, I suppose I'd better be off! Get back before I can't!"

He was halfway to the front door by the time he'd finished speaking. I pushed myself up out of my seat and hurried after him, aware of John lagging behind to give me a moment. I put a hand on the Doctor's arm as he reached the door. "It was nice to see you," I said gently, trying to show with my face how much I really did mean it.

He smiled fondly. "I know. Nice to see you too. Goodbye, Rose." He stooped and gave me a quick peck on the forehead, and then he was gone.

For good, this time, I guess. I can't see him coming back again. Not now.

I felt John approach, felt the warmth of him behind me, felt his arms come around me. I leaned my head back against his shoulder as he gently kissed my temple. "You all right?" he murmured.

I sighed, feeling like I was letting go of something I'd been needing to let go of for a very long time. "Yeah," I said, and discovered I really was. "Yeah, I think I am."

Here, with my family and my not-quite-Doctor and his child growing inside me… Yeah. I was all right.

* * *

This isn't what I wanted, but now… it's what I want. 


End file.
